1. They often speak badly about other people.
If someone you know is regularly gossiping about others, this is a warning sign. Incessant gossiping is a warning sign of insecurity and a toxic personality.
Likewise, you can be sure that if they’re gossiping about someone else, they will gossip about you too. Be careful with gossipers and remember that gossip is usually untrue anyway.
2. They’re negative.
A hallmark of a toxic person is being negative. This includes being judgmental, sarcastic, frequent complaining and the list goes on. This negativity can be draining and no fun but it is also a big warning that you’re with a toxic person.
3. They lack compassion.
One of the key elements to a relationship is the ability to show empathy and compassion towards others. If they are unable to show empathy, they might be toxic to you.
4. They take up an inordinate amount of your time.
They show up and take up too much of your time, disregarding you and your life. Relationships are a give and take. If you feel like they’re sucking up your time without providing much in return, it may be time to reassess this relationship.
5. They’re constantly involved in drama.
If they seem to always have crisis and conflict going on, this may indicate they are they cause more so than other people in their life.This is particularly true if they seem to thrive on or actually enjoy drama. The same is true if they seem to always have a big personal mess going on.
6. They lie to you.
In addition to straight out lies, make note of even slight variations on what they tell you and note the omission of critical facts as well. Often times, it is difficult to spot a direct lie, but rather, things just don’t add up. If someone is lying or bending the truth it is wise to question whether you can trust them in your life.
7. They criticize you.
It’s one thing to help a friend out if they have some food caught in their teeth. It’s another if someone is constantly criticizing you or offering their “advice” about you and your life. This is very true of the parent-child relationship. If you feel like you are always being corrected, it’s probably them and not you.
8. They talk way more than they listen.
A big red flag is when someone talks way more than they listen or if they don’t really listen at all.
9. They act like a victim.
If they frequently blame all their problems on someone else or some situation – or even if they blame their own mistakes on someone else or some situation – this is a red flag. A lack of personal responsibility is a sign of toxicity. Be careful, toxic people can be quite convincing.
10. They are hurtful.
If someone purposefully says hurtful thing to you or engages in hurtful actions against you or even just disregard your feelings, consider them toxic to you. The way we are treated is important. It matters and if someone hurts you regularly, they are not good for you.
11. They’re always stressed out.
Life is stressful for all of us. No one gets by without some stress. If someone magnifies their stress or compounds it through their choices, they might be toxic.
12. They lose their temper.
Being around someone with a temper problem can be excruciating and unnerving. If it seems like they need anger management, you can rest assured they are toxic to your life and you do not need to expose yourself to this.
13. They need to be right.
A sign of a toxic person is their need to be right. If they’re constantly trying to prove themselves or close off to the opinions of others, this is not good. Likewise, toxic people will often claim to be right even if they’re not. Conversation is not supposed to be a challenge that must be won. This is unhealthy.
14. They treat others poorly.
Have you ever noticed that someone can be kind to you and the people in your circle, but when you’re around other people, they treat them poorly. This includes other co-workers, service people (such as a waiter or waitress). This can be a tip off that the person is putting on a show when they’re with you, but you can see the real person in how they treat others.
15. They’re self-absorbed.
If they usually consider themselves first, have a need to talk about their own stuff and are not there for you when you need them, consider this a warning sign that they are either not a true friend or they are toxic. Also pay attention to whether they are looking to see what they can gain in a given situation versus what they can give.
16. They try to control you.
If someone tries to tell you what to do or say or how to act, this is a huge red flag. This can often show up as manipulative behaviors as well. If you feel like you’re being used as a puppet, it’s time to take a deeper look into the relationship.
17. They have unresolved addiction issues.
No question that being in a relationship with someone battling addiction can be one of the most difficult and painful things you could ever deal with. People in the throws of addiction will often exemplify many of these behaviors listed here – not because it is their true nature, but rather because of their addiction. Addiction is a serious issue. If you have a relationship with someone who is an addict, it is imperative to seek help for yourself.
18. You just have a bad vibe about them.
When in doubt, if you have a bad vibe, trust it. Your intuition is a valuable tool and is usually right. Even if you can’t put your finger on it, you should avoid or limit interaction with someone when your gut says to “look out!”
Pray this prayer with me:
Dear God, I have loved well but not wisely. I’ve given my heart to someone who has not honored that gift and I realize this relationship does not serve either of us. Please give me the courage and strength to end this relationship gracefully. Help me to forgive, heal and move on with my life so that I may open the door to new happiness. In Jesus’ matchless name, Amen!
call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224.
The “Butterfly” has been there before. You can get out too!
In case no one has told you, You are beautiful, God loves you and so do I…OnPurpose